At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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