i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize