Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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