Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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