I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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