I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
3pm strippers are depressing
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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