I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize