We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
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I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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