Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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