Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize