Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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