Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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