Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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