My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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