I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize