I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
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After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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