i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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