the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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