I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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