Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
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the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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