Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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