He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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