I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize