Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Blood and glitter go together right?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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