Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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