so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
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im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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