i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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