Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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