I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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