I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
