Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
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I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
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I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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