You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
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Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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