How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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