I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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