I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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