Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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