maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize