thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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