Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize