how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
sex in a hospital.. check
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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