so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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