Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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