Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
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