How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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