90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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