I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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