im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
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You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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