theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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