11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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