Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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