Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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