Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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