It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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